How does Champagne Equality help the economy?
As illness, crime and natural disasters improve the GDP, so will Champagne Equality. From farm to landfill this program requires raw material and determination. Agribusiness demands industrial fertilizers and pesticides; pressure-resistant glass requires massive energy to produce; and packaged liquids are remarkably heavy for transportation. The reality is that fossil-based fuels provide an easy way out, and monetary resources diverted at these obstacles will surely bubble up through all parts of the economy.
Who pays for Champagne Equality?
In almost all cases, you will. Broad economic solutions always incur complicated costs that are impossible to comprehend. Under our program the expense of increased Champagne distribution to the majority of Americans will be completely defrayed by additional wealth made available to the top quintile. In other words, it won’t come out of your paycheck. Remember those stimulus checks? Just like that.
What about the French?
Sparkling wines made from grapes grown in the Champagne region of France will remain in the purview of society’s elite. Product slated for this program will be comprised of sparkling wines produced in California from domestically-grown grapes. Increased demand will create jobs and keep revenue in America, and will leverage protections guaranteed by important trade agreements for the benefit of Americans.
Doesn’t Champagne Equality promote alcoholism?
That’s like arguing that guns kill people or fast food makes kids fat. There are always going to be people on the fringes who abuse the privileges granted them, and this program was never designed to overcome human nature. However, the overall benefit so outweighs the potential detriment that one should look at the larger picture rather than divert focus to the bad or good few.
You’re not serious, are you?
Isn’t it more absurd without the Champagne? The rich will continue to get richer and the poor poorer, so why not give everyone a little enjoyment along the way? If you think this suggestion seems foolhardy, we encourage you to look at recent legislation proposed and enacted by American government at all levels. We think you’ll find our program stands in good company.